BREASTS COST EXTRA

Breasts?

Oh, very large. Very large.

When?

Fourteen? Yes, well may I suggest sixteen?

No? Fair enough.

And then —

A penis? Also? We don’t get much call for that combination.

5’10”, yes, perfect.

Remember, race is covered only up to twice by the government. Except, not Asian. That you still have to pay for.

Green eyes, oh, my favorite.

Too light? This? No? This? Excellent!

Oh, wait. At this combination, it won’t be eligible for any affirmative action programs. Unless there’s a major culture shift, obviously.

You’re okay with that? Good, good.

Now we can edit out the Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, taking the odds down to as close to zero as possible.

However, we can’t guarantee against late onset breast cancer if you insist on it having DNA from the three of you.

Yes, I realize that’s a sensitive topic.

Now, let me show you these. I realize it’s more than you expected, but we can go from an 8–8–4 physical, intellectual, social to a 12–10–8.

Yes, I suppose we can do a 15–15. Your carrier will need to be extended an extra week. Are you prepared to compensate him for that?

Unfortunately, no, we can’t go any higher, society still places rules on those with an unfair advantage. I know, backwards thinking. No, I’m sorry, we can’t make any assurances regarding any special talents. Not in the 21st century, at least. But the recipient can legally make changes to any of these starting at age 16, and who knows what will be available by then.

What? Oh, funny, but no, it’s all the same, I’m afraid. Don’t we wish. We can’t edit in obedience. But, if you want, we can reduce the physical score slightly and, might I suggest, a blotted complexion. Oh, we can adjust their microbiome. That will create a somewhat less pleasant body odor and breath. Or, thinner hair, perhaps? Should have the desired effect. Plus, that has the added bonus of making it want to fit in with all the latest sanctioned micro-cultures. Very anti-establishment.

Wonderful.

You’ll also need to sign this. You promise to the best of your abilities you won’t let it have intercourse with a non-premium nor a first cousin from any source. Excellent.

Let’s discuss facial structure. You seemed to have a preference for rounder. But with the body type you’ve selected, I wonder if these might work better for you. Remember, if you’re unhappy, you can return it within 30 days and start again, that’s covered by your employer.