If I don’t do this, now, it won’t be done, now, and if it’s not done, now, then she won’t be able to do her part, now, and if she can’t do her part, now, he won’t be able to do his part, now, and if he can’t do his part, now, then fuck but the whole machine breaks down and if the whole machine breaks down I’m out of a job, this job, and if I’m out of this job, the big mortgage, the 401K, the 529 plan, fuck, but I gotta put more into my little girl’s 529 plan, and the WiFi and the 100 channels and this smartphone, what!, I’m busy, give me a fucking minute, and without this job shit gets bad, real bad, the kinda bad that will be hard to climb out of, real hard, the kinda bad that I don’t want to think about, that my children, fuck, they’ve never had to think about, they can’t even imagine, so if I lose this job, because I don’t finish this now, right now, I’ll lose most of it, not all of it, I’ll still have some, at least I will once I get some other job, a job certainly not as good as this one, but I’ll still have enough, enough to live, enough for my children, but fuck they’ll go deep deep into debt just to pay for the state school, and that’s with living at home, and fuck but what else will they lose, I wonder, they have so much, more than I could have ever imagined having when I was their age, still, I’ll have just enough for everyone to see that I once had more, much more, and I lost it, my own damn fault, letting the work get over my head, so now I’m stuck and it’s never coming back so fuck I gotta finish this one thing, just one more thing, stay here just one more hour, we can order dinner out, I’ll pick something up and, Jesus, the wife is busy and I’m supposed to take the dog to the vet tomorrow, fucking forgot all about that, so that’s like $200 and 3 hours of my time, maybe I can work 2 more hours tonight, not read, just close my eyes and sleep, get in about 6, maybe 5 hours, send out this last email, so yes, since you fucking asked, this is my life now, not just tonight, tomorrow, but everyday, I can’t remember when it wasn’t just like it is now, though I know it was, and I’m not even sure how I got here but I graduated and got a job and took out more credit card debt than I knew I should but got a better job, then got married and got a better job and got a house and got a better job then a better house, then a child, then a second child, which the wife took a year off, fuck, but we’re still paying for that, then an even bigger house, this house, the house I’ll probably die in, assuming I can make the payments and they don’t kick me out, goddam the payments are so high, so yes, to answer your question, I am in a hurry, a goddam big hurry, not like I have any choice, so, ha, Steve, good tweet, needed to be said, oh, that reminds me, new Alec Baldwin podcast tonight, well, I’ll listen to it tomorrow, maybe this weekend, but, yeah, so big house, mortgage, wife, two children, it’s all good, really, good, I mean that, I’m not sure I would want it any other way, though I honestly can’t imagine, at least not at this moment, an actual other way that might be better, but fuck, I don’t know how some people do it, they have it so much rougher, the bus, the train, two shit jobs, three children, some even more, hell, and they still find time to go to church, fuck, but my children are in their teens now, teenagers, Jesus Christ how did that happen, and they probably think we’re atheist, not because it’s something we ever discussed, it’s more that we just never had the time to go to church, and don’t judge me because if we did ever have the time, trust me, there were way way too many other things to do, but fuck, they, those people who got it real tough, they probably work in those Amazon sweatshops, poor bastards, but hey, it’s work, right, a job, better than fucking working at Foxconn, ten, fifteen hours a day, six days a week, making iPhones they’ll never in their whole fucking life be able to afford, and really, going over a spreadsheet, fixing a powerpoint, answering a few emails, fine, lots of emails to be honest, thousands of fucking emails, but it’s not so bad, not really, not like how most people have it, goddam who is sending me a text at this hour, oh, pharmacist, my prozac, no, wait, my son’s, well, okay, we need milk and bread and toilet paper anyway, I was gonna have to stop regardless, but fuck, if I don’t get this done now, shit’s gonna be bad.

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