Dear Nokia, I don't speak Finn. Would you be so nice as to explain the following to me so I can consider buying from you?

[26 October 2011: Brian: This post is over a year old. Nokia still has a long way to go, even with today's launch of two new (Windows Phone) devices -- with one new name and two new numbers...]

What is:

• Symbian
• Symbian^3
• MeeGo
• Maemo

Are these the same? Different? Can I use the same apps? App Store? What about...

• C series
• E series
• N series
• X series

Are these smaller? Bigger? More powerful? Are the customers supposed to know? If I were to consider buying a Nokia device, do I need to consider...

• Single Digit
• Multiple digit

Is that supposed to mean anything at all? Like, is E63 better than an N8? Is N900 cheaper than an X6 but doesn't come with a touchscreen? Or a Qwerty keyboard?

Do you actually want me to buy from you?

And, have you ever even attempted to assess the actual costs to your company on marketing and branding and carrier contracts and developer agreements and suppliers and logistics and QA and coding by having all these?

And you know the worst part? The near-infinite number of instances when something couldn't be done on or for E-series, or N-multiple digit device because it was all part of some indecipherable grand plan and that resource couldn't be put onto that group or that code wouldn't be replicable on that platform and on and on and not even long-timers can explain any of this.

Now some advice. Don't worry, it's as brief as it is free:

In the smartphone wars, uncertainty = death.